[ Watch The Birdie (Page 8) ]
You’ve asked for it!
You want it!
You need it!
It’s the BYE WEEK STAT SPECTACULAR!
Let’s have a quick look at the standings first, shall we? Well, shall we?
NFC West
Seattle Seahawks: 5-1
St. Louis Rams: 4-2
ARIZONA CARDINALS: 2-4
San Francisco 69ers: 2-5
Well… okay, not the best news I grant you, but it could be worse. What on Earth
is going on with the 49ers? Terrell Owens has been out all season with a
fractured forearm picked up in pre-season, but surely that on its own can’t
explain them propping up the basement? They visit Sun Devil Stadium next week,
anyway, in a game that will surely settle once and for all who’re the worst team
in the NFC West.
Once and for all until we have to go to Corporate Shill (Formerly Known As
Candlestick) Park later in the season, anyway.
In the wider picture, there are a whole slew of teams competing with us for the
number 1 overall draft pick – the Bears, Bolts, Eagles and Unimaginatives have
all but a single win so far this year, and there’s a ton of sides who’re in the
pack with us at either 2-4 or 2-5. Some of these are awesomely predictable
(Jaguars, Oranges) and some less so (Titans, Vikings, Panthers).
There’s also a load of teams who’ve only lost once all year, but I don’t think
that need concern us.
Oh, alright.
At 5-1 are the aforementioned Seahawks, along with the Colts, the Marine-Mammals
and the team with the NFL’s best defence… can you guess who? Wrong. Wrong. Nope,
still wrong. Let me give you a clue – they’re in the AFC East along with Miami.
Nope, not them. Or them, either. Yes, having given up just 66 points in 6 games,
statistically the NFL’s top defensive unit belongs to the 5-1 New York Jets.
No-one was more surprised than me, I promise you.
All of these teams, however, are trailing in the wake of the Denver Broncos,
whose 6-1 record currently leads the way – although one has to wonder whether
they’ll be able to keep that record up with Steve Beuerlein under centre, given
that ex-Cardinal chucker Jake Plummer is out for the season with a broken elbow.
It’s been a rough year thus far for quarterbacks, actually, with Tom Brady
following Plummer to the bench with a similarly busted elbow. Bills backup QB
Alex Van Pelt is also gone for the year with a serious concussion, which is just
as well for Drew Bledsoe, really, given that he’s already thrown 11
interceptions in 6 games. In a moment of delicious instant karma, though, the
week after Brett Favre stayed in and took every last sodding snap of his team’s
66-point thrashing of us he suffered a broken leg and won’t play again in 2003.
Ha. Ha. Ha.
Other injuries from around the league – Jimmy Smith opts out of the Jaguars’
pathetic start to the season, his broken wrist allowing him to have a nice
sit-down ‘till next year. Same injury, player with a slightly different build,
Bucs DT Booger McFarland. The Jets’ good start is all the more impressive given
that they’ve had to do it without their sole big play-maker, 3rd year WR Santana
Moss, who picked up a painful-sounding fractured kneecap in pre-season and won’t
play a snap in 2003. Now, I know it’s petty and vindictive to wish ill on the
Washington Redskins in a computer game, but I’m a Jets fan, I can’t help it. So
it was with a little chuckle I read that Redskin linebacker and all-round
tosspot Lavar Arrington has picked up a career-ending hip fracture. Couldn’t
happen to a nicer bloke.
That’ll teach him for not letting his name be in the game. Possibly.
So that’s the context – but how are the Cards doing?
Well, pretty well. In some ways. And dismally in others.
We’re currently top of the shop in terms of total offence, passing offence and
number of 1st downs. Yay for us! We’re 20th in terms of rushing offence, but
that’s probably got something to do with the fact we’ve had to abandon the run
early a couple of times to try and get back into games. Anyway, 7th in the
league for points scored isn’t too shabby in anyone’s book.
What’s that? What about the defence, you ask? Uh… so far as I can tell, we don’t
have one.
Moving swiftly on to individu… Oh, alright. Rock bottom in terms of total
defence, rush defence and points allowed. All credit to us, though, our passing
defence has dug deep, fought hard and battled all the way up to the heady
heights of 31st in the league.
We are the Kansas City Chiefs, circa 2002.
Can I move on to individuals now? Please? Oh, thank you. Thanks so much.
Passing
Jeff BLAKE - 129/218 (59%) for 1665 yds, 7 TD, 8 INT, QB Rtg. 78.6
The league’s passing leader, if you can believe it, averages 277.5 yards a game.
His QB rating is only good for an almost precisely average 16th, however. Bottom
line – playing OK, seems to have really clicked nicely with the two rookie
target men but we’re putting him in situations where he’s got to try and win us
the game too often, and that’s leading to too many mistakes. Might even be
looking at a Pro Bowl year if the defence can sort itself out even slightly.
Rushing
Marcel SHIPP - 129 carries for 437 yards (3.3 ypc), 8 TD, 2 fumbles
Emmitt SMITH - 14 carries for 58 yards (4.1 ypc), 0 TD
Well, Marcel is on course for about a 1200 yard season, which isn’t too shabby.
His 8 rushing scores paces the NFL, as well, but have come mainly because of our
bizarre tendency to get long pass-plays stopped inside the opposition 5-yard
line. His tendency to put the ball on the ground is a problem, but one I knew
about coming in so it’s hard to complain too much. Something we’ll have to work
on in minicamp next offseason, plainly. Emmitt’s not done much, but done it
pretty well.
Receiving
Bryant JOHNSON - 36 catches for 559 yards (15.5 ypc), 2 TD
Anquan BOLDIN - 35 catches for 433 yards (12.3 ypc), 2 TD
Bryan GILMORE - 15 catches for 260 yards (17.3 ypc), 2 TD
Freddie JONES - 15 catches for 120 yards (8 ypc)
Marcel SHIPP - 14 catches for 118 yards (8.4 ypc)
Great numbers from both the rookies – Johnno has reaped the benefits of getting
several favourable matchups in the first few weeks to the point that only 5
receivers in the NFL have racked up more yardage than his goodself – Marvin
Harrison (natch), Torry Holt (again…), Eddie Kennison (eh?), Tim Brown (you
what?) and Quincy Morgan (shome mishtake, shurely?). Boldin’s not far behind,
and slot-man Bryan Gilmore is the big play threat in what’s proved to be an
efficient and effective unit. The tight end, Jones, is only making a couple of
grabs a game, but normally at vital moments, and both Shipp and Smith have been
surprisingly effective coming out of the backfield. No worries here, then.
Blocking
In brief, the stars are RG Leonard Davis and LT L.J. Shelton, both of whom have
managed 26 pancakes each (not the first time Davis has had 26 pancakes, to judge
by the look of the fella), good for joint 4th in the league. Again, not a huge
surprise – this line looked pretty damned good right from the off.
Defence, Such As It Is
Leading tackler – Adrian WILSON (SS) - 43 (10th in NFL)
Leading tackler for loss – Calvin PACE (RE) - 3
Sack Leader – Wendell BRYANT (DT) - 5 (joint 3rd in NFL)
Interception Leader – Levar FISHER (WLB) - 2
Gah.
Special Teams
Bill GRAMATICA – 12/18 FGs, Long – 50 yds. 15/15 PAT.
Scott PLAYER - 17 punts for 736 yards (43.6 yd. avg), 5 inside 20, 1
touchback
Josh SCOBEY - 15 kicks returned for 311 yards (20.7 yd. avg), Long – 35 yds.
Terry FAIR - 16 kicks returned for 273 yards (17 yd. avg), Long – 27 yds.
Terry FAIR - 12 punts returned for 231 yards (19.2 yd. avg), Long – 51 yds, 1
TD
Average-to-good all over, really. Fair’s punt return average leads the league,
though, which is nice.
